flying circles inside jars
by Dark K. Sly
Summary: There was once a boy, he used to be his friend, Scott thinks, but he can't quite remember him. His name was weird, and he used to talk a lot, but somewhere during Middle School they just… drifted apart? Something like that.


There was once a boy, he used to be his friend, Scott thinks, but he can't quite remember him. His name was weird, and he used to talk a lot, but somewhere during Middle School they just… drifted apart?

Something like that.

The boy isn't a part of his life anymore, at any rate, and it's really strange, because sometimes, in the middle of the night, he wakes up sweaty and afraid, gasping for air that won't _come_ , and he _misses something so much_ , but can't quite remember what that is. When these nights happen, as soon as his eyes are open he can see that kid's face… Kyle? Nigel? Style? It's something like that. Golden brown eyes, short hair, easy smile. He feels better, and then he can't quite grasp _why_ he'd feel better, because he hasn't seen the kid in _years_.

He thinks.

 **X**

The first week was the hardest. Derek was… well, _Derek_ , of course, but still, Stiles was always feeling like he was missing _something_ those few weeks after they moved.

It's weird, because every time he tries to remember move from _where_ , he can't – it's like something always distracts him, and when he tries to ask Derek or Cora or Peter, they get this weird look in their eyes, and they always end up talking about something else.

He has this weird feeling that they don't know either.

 **X**

Sometimes Allison stares at him with so much _pity_ in her eyes, that Scott wants to ask if she's only with him because she feels sorry for him. But then it's gone, and she's amazing again, and he can kind of get that he's only… lucky. He has an amazing girlfriend, who is actually _way_ out of his league, but who loves him anyway, and his mom is finally happy with the Sheriff.

The Sheriff had a kid, Scott thinks, but he can't remember him either. The Sheriff doesn't talk about him, though, calls Scott _son_ , even if his eyes get a little weird when he does that, as if the words make sense, but _Scott_ doesn't.

He's happy, in a way. He has an ordinary life, and ordinarily goes to college, and applies himself a whole _lot_ , because vet school isn't going to be easy to get into, but Allison believes he can do it, so he knows he has to, at the very least, give his best shot.

There's something about him being special… or maybe being able to do things a better way, being stronger or… he doesn't know. It's so weird.

He's nothing out of the norm, just a normal kid, with an amazing girlfriend and plans for a quiet life as a Vet.

 **X**

The call of the moon doesn't really scare him – it never has. Derek's dark red eyes reassure him that he's fine, he's _pack_ , and everything's okay – and even if they didn't, Peter's strong presence at his side, Cora just a bit to his left, his family, his pack, his _everything_ , they are here for him.

They have always been, haven't they?

Derek's eyes focus on his, and golden meets red, and Alpha and his mate, and together they lead their pack into the night of the full moon, to tire their wolves out and sleep in a pile by the fireplace in their home.

There was once a bigger pack – it's not his memory, though, but none of them really knows if it's true or just wishful thinking.

They are fine, now, though.

They have each other, and it's almost enough, if there wasn't a small part of Stiles's heart that keeps trying to find a tired smile, the smell of gunpowder, a police uniform.

He can't even think of why.

He certainly has never met a police officer in his life.

 **X**

Lydia he remembers. They used to be friends for a while there, during High School, but she got really weird their Sophomore year, and sometimes she comes to talk to Doctor Deaton in whispers behind closed doors. Scott doesn't eavesdrop because he's not that kind of person, but sometimes he thinks they are actually talking about him.

One day she comes out of the backroom saying that maybe they should actually try to find Stiles.

Her eyes are wide when she sees him, and the name is something he can almost remember, as if it's at his fingertips but only just slipping away.

Deaton says it's still too soon, and they can't risk it, that Morrell isn't ready yet, and she nods tersely, eyeing Scott with disgust as she passes by.

They were friends once, and Allison still talks to her, but Scott can't quite get why she'd hate him so much as she seems to.

It's actually a bit strange how many things he can't quite _remember_.

It's even stranger that he seems incapable of caring about it.

 **X**

They think about moving again, sometimes, when they get bored out of their minds in the small town they have settled, and Peter says Cora and Stiles not going to college is a waste, but they don't really care, because none of them _wants_ to have that ordinary human life.

They are a pack, they should _stay_ a pack.

Cora trains five times a week, and she gets a job at the gym – she really loves what she does there. Stiles likes to keep to himself, and he knows he's a werewolf, he could do something very physical too, but he prefers to catalogue their books, pour over generations and generations of information they have, just to be prepared in case something happens.

It hasn't, not yet, their pack has always been safe, for as long as they can remember.

Sometimes he has a feeling that's not very long, but he doesn't dwell on it, it's not worth it.

Peter keeps mostly to himself, outside of the pack, and they talk about opening a used book store. It's mostly so they'll have some reason to get out of the house, and Derek laughs at them, open and wide and careless and free, and every time he does that, Stiles feels his heart soar, and he doesn't even get why – Derek was always like this. He's happy, and content, and _there_. Maybe this joy he feels just by seeing Derek laugh is what being in love is all about, he doesn't know.

He's never loved anyone like he loves Derek, there's never been anyone else.

 **X**

There was a girl, Erica Reyes was her name, and Scott feels really bad for her, because he remembers she died in their Sophomore year too. She and her boyfriend had run away, and it didn't work out, and she turned up dead.

That year, a lot of bad things happened, and maybe that's why Scott has a hard time remembering everything. That girl's boyfriend, his name was Boyd, he died too. And the other kid, the tall one with the scared eyes, Lahey, Isaac Lahey, he remembers, he died that year as well.

He knows that that was the year he got together with Allison for the final time – they never broke up again after that, and he knows that's the year…

Something happened then, and he can't quite remember. It's something so devastatingly _sad_ that just by trying to figure it out his heart seems as if it's going to run from him, and maybe that's why he can't.

Allison says that, sometimes, he gets this faraway look in his eyes, as if he's thinking about another life, and in a way maybe he is.

He doesn't really remember though – not enough to tell her.

And when he tells his girlfriend, in those exact words, she kisses his forehead, smiles a watery smile, and says _maybe someday. Maybe someday soon_.

He's not sure there _is_ something to remember, though, so he's not worried.

 **X**

Consciously he knows he didn't just sprout from the ground, sixteen and a werewolf of the Hale pack, mainly because he's not a Hale – something he thanks every deity for every day, because he wouldn't be able to be with Derek if he were – but he can't quite bring himself to care enough to question why he's pack, why he feels so right with Derek by his side since the very first time he _remembers_ something. Why he knows he has to protect Cora, why he knows Peter will have his back.

They laugh together, and live together, and it's good. It's home, and it's family, and Stiles is happier than he thinks at least 90% of the world are, so he's good.

Sometimes he misses things. Strawberry blond hair. Grey hair and bright blue eyes. Dark curls tumbling down a nurse uniform. Shaggy brown hair and a puppy dog smile.

He's not sure what that means though, and when he almost remembers to miss those things, usually in the middle of the night, Derek is right there, solid and warm and present and so very, very real. He touches his mate's skin, runs his fingers through his hair, kisses him deeply just because he _can_ , because Derek is _real_ , not something he may or may not remember from another life, or another past that he can't feel as his own – shadows made out of clouds, shapes too quick to make out.

He lets it go, this aching pain he feels, because his pack is here, his _home_ is here, and so is his heart, and his whole life.

 **X**

Lydia Martin is smiling wide, and Scott has to recognize that she really is beautiful, especially when she does that, but she just shakes his head at him, something of a fond smile forming on her face as her look of absolute happiness softens, and she asks to see Doctor Deaton.

When she comes back, Deaton is smiling wide too, and he looks as if he wants to hug Scott, but refrains.

He hears them saying _finally_ , and _in the next New Moon_ , and _next month they'll all be home_.

It's strange, because Beacon Hills is small, and if there were an _all_ next to a _they_ missing, he'd know.

But Lydia only nods firmly, and even smiles as she tells him goodbye, so he guesses it's good news for them.

It won't change his life, but he likes to see other people being happy.

 **X**

There was once a pack, and they were all Alphas.

Aberrations, all of them, killers of their own kind, murderers of those who trusted them – evil.

And their master was a demon.

He feared losing power as much as normal people fear losing their loved ones, and for his power he'd do anything – and he could prove he would, for he had killed his whole pack only to feel more powerful, not knowing how cursed they'd become.

There was once a boy, and the demon feared him.

But this boy had friends, loyal and brave, caring and strong, and they fell, one by one, trying to stop the inevitable from happening. And it was the humans, the human girl, the human boy, the human doctor, who saw the way to stop that pack from pursuing their friend – the demon wanted to kill an Alpha werewolf, they only had to turn him into a boy again.

It wasn't easy, for Lycanthropy isn't a disease that has a cure – it is a gift, that can be bestowed upon those who deserve or ask for it, and that was what they chose to do.

It wasn't without sacrifices, of course, but they hoped it would work.

Scott McCall walked into Doctor Deaton's office as werewolf that day, and came out as human.

It's not exactly what he thought it'd be – he doesn't feel all that normal again, he doesn't think he knows _how_ to be normal again, and he feels _lacking_ somehow. He _knows_ what it is not to have trouble breathing, being able to do things with no problem, being faster and better, and he's lost without it.

Stiles is the one who's never asked for it, who would never had asked for the bite, Scott thinks, even if he were dying, and yet, out of the clinic comes a Beta, Stiles Stilinski, sacrificing his humanity for his friend's life.

Their plan was simple and well thought out. Lydia had helped develop it, Stiles had come up with the idea, and they had Deaton's approval. Lycanthropy couldn't be _cured_ , but it could be _transferred_ , if one knew enough, and Stiles now had everything Scott's never wanted.

They aren't exactly happy with it, but their lives aren't supposed to be in danger anymore, and that's why they go home feeling, for the first time in a long, long two months, safe.

That had been their mistake.

The demon might not need to kill Scott anymore, he was no threat as a human, and maybe he had been killing Derek's pack just to see the man squirm and kill Scott _for_ him, but Deucalion was having fun while doing it, and they had cut him out.

They did everything and anything not to die, so he'd let them live.

The next morning, the sun shining bright over Beacon Hills, found Scott smiling away like it was Christmas morning.

Stiles woke up in his own bed in the loft and looked around for Derek, knowing Cora would not be up yet, and neither would Peter.

Allison, Lydia and Deaton could only watch in despair as they pieced together what had happened, and they definitely didn't know what to think.

The Alpha Pack was gone.

The Hales were gone.

Everyone was alive.

They had won the war, and yet it tasted bitterer than losing everything.

 **X**

The day Morrell betrayed the Alphas and broke their memory spell, Lydia and Allison actually went out to drink and celebrate.

For years, _years_ , they had been the two of the old pack who knew everything that had happened, who could suffer through Scott's pain even when he himself didn't why he was suffering, who would cry at Melissa and John's wedding because his son wasn't there and wasn't even missed.

They had researched and learned and studied, and they had suffered and despaired and hoped, and finally, finally, the spell was broken and they could, finally, get the happy ending they had been supposed to have five years ago.

It is a curious thing that with all that suffering they hadn't yet learned that true happy endings don't really exist.

 **X**

Stiles opens his eyes and he _remembers_. His father, Scott, Melissa, Lydia, Allison, Danny, Jackson. Erica, Boyd, Isaac. Beacon Hills, the school, lacrosse.

He remembers _everything_.

By his side, Derek is watching him like a hawk and they keep staring into each other's eyes for a long moment, because they _remember_ now, they remember a past where they were nothing to each other but a nuisance and a threat, and that's not true anymore.

That will never be true again.

When they get to the kitchen, not a word exchanged between them, they see in Cora's and Peter's faces the same fear, the same trepidation they themselves could feel a few minutes ago – it's all for nothing, though.

They remember.

Yes, they remember.

But nothing among them has changed, because they may _remember it_ , but they don't feel it.

 **X**

It's not even a full day after that that they come back to Beacon Hills.

The streets are the same, and the people are mostly what they remember them being five years ago – but they are not.

And they have exchanged hugs between each other, and Stiles may have cried when he finally saw his dad again, and _remembered_ him, and Derek may have thanked Lydia and Allison and Deaton and Morrell, but this wasn't… this wasn't them.

They were humans, the lot of them.

They weren't pack, they didn't know what it was like to run under the full moon, to feel the wind on their skin. They didn't know what it was not to feel complete unless you were with your _family by choice_.

And maybe they remembered what Peter had done, and what hurtful words Cora had spoken, and what things Stiles used to say, and what Derek used to do, but they didn't _feel_ like those people anymore.

They had gotten back their memories, but not their old lives, because you can remind someone of the time when they took a shot, but it doesn't always bring back the pain.

They may have remembered that once, in the past, in another life, they weren't a pack, but they couldn't help but feel as if they were being told a story, a fuzzy thing where they remember being there, but couldn't quite feel what it was like then, because the _now_ is so much more important.

They stay, of course they stay. They tear apart whatever is left of the Hale house, and get the land back into their possession, rebuilding it piece by piece. And Stiles has dinner with Melissa and his dad and Scott once a week, his skin itching to get back to his _real family_ , even though he remembers them now.

His pack, however, is back home.

 **X**

There once was a boy, and he was Scott's best friend. His name was Stiles, and he gave up his humanity to save Scott's life.

For a while there, Scott couldn't remember him, and that leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, a deep feeling of guilt in his heart, because Stiles was the only friend Scott had for a very long time.

He is back now, but he isn't Scott's anymore, and, in a way, Scott understands him.

He may love his dad, but Peter is always by his side, at the bookstore they start together. And he may like Lydia, but Cora is his sister in ways Scott knows Lydia could never be.

And he may even love Scott a little bit, but Derek is his Alpha, his mate, his love, his everything.

They have him back, and yet, they'll never have him again.

The Alphas are all dead, and yet, their revenge is still the sweetest.


End file.
